our cab driver is having phone sex.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize