u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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