so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
