Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
