Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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