i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
