at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize