Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize