she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize