we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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