Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Less talking, more tequila
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
