Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
