toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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