it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
