I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
