i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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