the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Blow job season was short but glorious.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
