glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
