ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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