I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
