I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
