I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this just has baby written all over it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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