We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
