i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize