We're facebook friends in real life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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