I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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