Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
