Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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