I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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