Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
