tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
