The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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