Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
