Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
