he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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