I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
