I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
