Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
