ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
