4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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