Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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