Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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