so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
