I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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