Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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