If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
