His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
