i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
