giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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