She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
