I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
