this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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