he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
