His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
