Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
