STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
