She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
