btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
