We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
