How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
