You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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